KISSING THE FROGS

Friends: Get a boyfriend already! You are getting old!
Me: Single women are geniuses!

Acquaintances: You are too cute not to have a boyfriend! You must be lying
Me: Well thanks but I am not.
Them: But why??
Me: Overqualified! Also, because I chose to 

Wellwishers (relatives mostly): You should get a boyfriend now if you want to get married by 30 you know. It’s not like you are getting any younger! (The progressive ones talk about boyfriend. Others go straight to marraige)
Me: Well I am not sure I want to get married anyways.
Them: Girls should get married! You can’t stay single! Who will take care of you?
Me: But I have to finish my Ph.D, get a permanent job, have an actual life for few years first. Then may be I will think about it.
Them: Who do you think will marry you then?
Me: Well if no one marries me, it’s what I wanted in the first place, stay single, isn’t it? So chill!
Them: One day you will realize how big a fool you are and it will be too late then (I hope I am there to say ‘I told you so’ then).

Whatever conversation I have these days with whomever, one version or other of the above definitely happens. I won’t lie though. When I see friends getting married left, right, and centre, sometimes I want that too. The celebrations, shopping, fun and festivities, presents – who doesn’t love that? But then I think about the rest that follows and I know I am not ready yet, doesn’t matter how much the world wants to see me wed. Being on the wrong side of 25 or being the eldest daugher at home doesn’t help my cause either. But still being in college or not having a job does to some extent. I mean, in today’s world, who in their right mind would marry while being unemployed? But that doesn’t mean I don’t have to talk to some ‘perfect matches! Sometimes it is just easier than arguing with parents.

And I won’t lie. It’s pretty interesting! Not the person I talk to always, but the experience. Not nice, interesting. It’s interesting to see how minds work! While I am too educated for some, I am too career oriented for others. I have also been told I am too opinionated for my own good. Once a guy I was talking to told me he liked me because I had higher academic aspirations like him but I have to be ready to travel with him wherever his career takes, and have to be available always because he won’t be and kids can’t raise themselves. I didn’t know what to say actually!

Another time one guy told me he had his parents to take care of and asked if I am “allergic” to that notion. I said I understood that so he asked me if I had to take care of my parents being the eldest daughter and I said that’s so natural that I haven’t given it any extra thought ever but he concluded that since I don’t sit and think and talk about it, I am not the responsible type! What can I say? They take my breath and speech away!

Anyone who has seen the matrimonial ads will know how it is. They all want educated but homely brides. Some go an extra mile to add homely but sociable. Kind of translates as you can’t have an active social life unless it’s mine. Bit of an oxymoron if u ask me!A Ph.D is fine but the degree is not gonna cook, right? I haven’t met a guy yet who haven’t asked me on the first day if I can cook. I don’t even try to be cheeky anymore. A simple no should suffice. Don’t get me wrong. I am not those type of people who think girls shouldn’t cook. I am those types who think anyone who eats should know how to cook, and not because of their gender (not sex, gender). It’s as simple as that.

I have seen the list of things that I need to be if I have to marry a guy from those elite institutions (you know which ones I am talking about). It’s highly educated, sociable, homely, presentable, slim, have family values, good in extra curricular activities like singing, dancing (makes me wonder if they don’t have TV at home), quizzes and debates (not a good idea guys if you get the drift). I have got one thing straight though from seeing these. Who am I kidding? I have no chance in hell with them! My mood changes at its own will (sometimes even I am surprised at the turn of events!). The older I am getting, the more I hate people (so there goes sociable). I would rather fish out cheetos from my hair and eat them while watching The Big Bang Theory marathon than go for a parlour appointment. I have an immovable body and I can’t sing to save my life. I have glossophobia, so there goes anything that has anything to do with public speaking. And the day I have to count calories before I eat, there will be a very good chance I will go on a murder spree after that. So, given a choice, even I would advice against marrying me! Also, I have seen enough of those profiles in matrimonial sites where they prefer to post their CVs and I think I am better off unmarried than listening to how great being great is!

But I have met decent men too and know enough men not to stereotype. Still, I have to say marraige is a toughie! There are a lot of people to please, lot of expectations to fulfil. Just because I get to talk to prospective matches and chose for myself doesn’t mean every other person in the family doesn’t have their opinion! But in spite of all that, it is not a bad thing, trust me. I got to know myself better in the process. I know more clearly what kind of person I want to be with. I realized how important it is to know myself better before knowing others. I have my own list of things I want to do before getting married. It may take time but that’s OK. I don’t have anything against marraige, but there is nothing right about doing it with the wrong person. It is OK if I have to kiss a few frogs before I get to my prince but it is OK too if he doesn’t exist. I don’t have impossible standards but settling is not my thing either. I know better than that