One of the hardest things in life is going on after losing someone we love so much. Carrying on knowing that was it. The last time we met, we played together, had fun. Thinking maybe I could have done more to make life more comfortable for you, loved more may be if that was possible. Wishing we got to spend some more time together. Hoping you would come back. Missing that part of my heart that is forever gone with you.
We are anything and anyone we meet, we love, we give our heart to and they become a part of us. Is it the other way round? Do they get a part of us too and carry it forever? Remember us after a long time apart and recognize us and rejoice? I believe we all do once we love someone. So I know you will too because I know you loved me. May be more than I loved you.
You will never know this but I am forever indebted to you for so many reasons. I never knew I was even capable of loving so much or being so selfless. May be I will never again be so but with you everything was different. And that's why may be the hole you left in my heart is so big. I never knew I even could cry so hard for lost love. And it is actually all you. You left a part of you in me and that made me more human I guess.
You know a strange thing? I took so many pictures of you but not in one do I have your face. People will say that is because of my horrible photography skills and I generally agree wholeheartedly, but in your case I like to think it is more because that was for my heart to capture and keep them in there forever. That playful face, the sleepy one, the mischievous one, the hungry frown - I will cherish all the shades forever.
But what's killing me is not knowing what happened. Where did you go? And why? Did someone take you or you lost the way? Did you eat? You are a really fussy eater you know! I hope you are with someone who will good care of you. I can't even bring myself to think otherwise. You were so fragile! I am sure someone saw you, fell in love with you like I did and took you with them. I hope you are not as miserable missing me as I am missing you. I am praying you are in good hands. And wish I could stop my tears. It's getting embarrassing now!
I always thought I would be the last person to fall in love with you. Since I was a little girl I have always wanted a pet. I have had day dreams about pets actually. But that was always about dogs. I was anything but a cat person. And around this time, busy with my thesis and everything, a pet was the last thing on my mind. But then you happened. I was going to the shop for some work and there you were on the road, soaking wet from the rain, shivering, and crawling, while the stray dog was crouching to bite you. You were so tiny, weak and fragile that you couldn't even stand on your legs. You looked like you have just opened your eyes and not more than 7-10 days old. Your mother was nowhere to be found. So I just took you and brought you home, wrapped you in a cloth, and made you a home in a shoe box. You were so scared that you won't even eat. I tried dropper, cotton soaked in milk, spoons but nothing worked. You took your time to come around and it broke my heart to see you like that. I had already fallen for you by then. Those blue eyes were captivating!
But you came around soon. My mother took you under her wings and within two days you were standing up, even trying to walk. One more day and you even came out of your box by yourself and started exploring around the house. Whenever you will see any of us, you will try to come and sit on our feet. That was your favorite plaything actually - trying to climb up my feet. It was so heartening seeing you regaining your strength and walking around the house on those tiny legs, mewing our ears off when you were hungry or needed a playmate, sleeping cozily wrapped in your blanket after each meal, waking us up at 5 in the morning because you needed to be fed. I loved it most during the evenings when I would sit on my table working and you will play around my foot. Just watching you play was so satisfying! We all were falling in love with you. I was totally in love. And how could I not? You didn't leave a choice anyways.
So what happened? It was just 7 days that I got to spend with you and I have never been in so much love or so much pain like I am in right now. I went out for some work and you just disappeared? My sister searched you everywhere in the house, in the neighborhood, on the streets but there was no sign of you anywhere. Did you run away? But you never even came down the stairs before, let alone go outside the gate. And you haven't even started eating solids. It is already night and by this time you would have drank milk at least thrice. I hope you are not hungry but I can't stop worrying! Every time I hear a sound outside I imagine it's you and go outside searching for you but in vain. I miss the way you would curl up on my feet every time I went near you, or try to crawl up my palm. Actually, I just miss everything about you and hoping against hope that you are fine and happy and cozily asleep right now. Your milk is still sitting in the cup here and your bed is waiting. So am I.
You are my first pet and very special one too. I will always regret that the time spent with you was so less but will always cherish the fact that you came to my life. You chose to stay with me for those 7 days and I am happy that you happened. I had thought of a name for you just before you chose to disappear. I imagined you growing up and growing old with me. I will continue imagining the same, just not together. Stay safe wherever you are. Stay healthy.
I will miss you forever. Or until we meet again.
Lots of love.
